Seeing my heart

On Tuesday we went and saw my heart at Stanford. I had 10 family members go with me, I think people don't usually do that.
I am really glad I went and saw it. I think this might be an emotional experience for some people and it was not emotional for me, but it did "seal the deal" in a way for me. I think up until that day I was not sure that I needed the transplant when I did, this made me realize that I really did need the transplant and my heart was damaged enough.
It was really cool to see a human heart, how many people get to do that? My heart had already been dissected, so I could see many different views of my heart. My heart was pretty gross. I saw where the restrictive part of the heart was (the muscle was discolored) and the ventricles we a third of the size. The heart is truly amazing, the makeup of the valves are so delicate, but yet they can hold back so much.
I was glad to learn that they will keep my heart forever, they incinerate the livers and some other organs. I don't know why I really cared what they did with my heart, but I kind of didn't want it to just be thrown away. They also kept my pacemaker, I think that is why I did not get it back even though I asked. A part of one of the wires was still in my heart, the wire was a lot thicker than I though it would be. I think a lot of doctors think because of my age I don't want to know about what they are doing. I wish I had seen the actual pacemaker they had put in because pacemakers are so different. I also wish that I would have gotten to see the heart before they transplanted it for comparison. That reminds me I still need to write my thank you letter to my donor family. It's hard to write it, not emotionally for me, but how to phrase everything and to know what to write, what the family would want to hear.