Pump Head

01/09/2011 Pump Head
So I guess I have been in a writing mood lately because I think this is the third day in a row that I have written, usually I start out reading friends blogs and commenting, but lately I have been riding a lot-and when I ride I get lots of deep thoughts and this is sort of the therapy.
So from the heart transplant surgery I got developed this condition (that will go away over time) called pump head-that's it's real name-you can look it up on wikipedia, isn't it such a vulgar name? Basically what it is, is memory loss-of different kinds (short and long term) caused by the surgery-when I was on the heart lung machine. There are many theories what actually goes wrong with the pump, one of the things is that your red blood cells are crushed when they go through the pump and are ruined-but there are many other theories.
Anyways-I am talking about this for a reason. For awhile I have noticed that it is so weird the things I actually am remembering/remember. I have forgotten many things from my long term memory, it somewhat feels like I have a slight amnesia-I know the basic things like my name, family, etc. But some things that I expect myself to remember I am not remembering. They kind of catch me off guard because I just don't expect it and I am always surprised.
I have gone to church for my whole life and this morning we were singing songs in church that I have sang my whole life, but I could not remember the words, I had to read them from the screen. It was it kind of made me all the sudden evaluate my life and what I really value. I am having no problem telling people about medical crap-sorry, but I can real off a whole load of stuff, it took me 2 days to remember 20 medications I had never heard of (the dosage, why I took them, and when I took them, etc.) (and I am not just talking about knowing medications-I am a nursing student so just knowing about general stuff going on) but I totally am forgetting verses that I have always known-I just draw a blank.
I know it is important to know about my health, but it made me think that I also need to put a lot more time in reading the word. It is so weird how it took this pump head to figure this out.

Again, I totally meant to write about something else, but this popped into my head instead!-No one likes to be rejected

So, after reading another transplant blogger's blog, I planned on writing about something more transplant related, but right before I started writing I did my devotion and read June 3rd in "My Utmost for His Highest". (FYI:this is also a really good book, especially if you mean to do devotionals but never fit it into your life, the author packs a lot of though provoking stuff into 1 small page a day that takes about 5 minutes to read).
Anyways, in the car I was just thinking about how happy I was that I took this road trip with Jackie and Jen. Not only would it strengthen my relationship with Jackie, make it easier for her to move away, but it would also let me grow and get experiences.
The Grans Canyon was never on my list of things to do in life, like I never really cared if I got to see it or not. But yesterday, when we pulled up to it, I almost started crying just for the sheer fact that I had made it to the Grand Canyon and I was getting to see it. It was beautiful. For some reason, a lot of times, when I see something amazing in nature I pray, it strengthens my beliefs, I thank God for making it. I stand in awe.
Todays chapter in My Utmost was about thanking God and Joy. A real friend will not just tell you their sorrows, but also joys. Do we tell God our joys enough, and do we let God speak to us and tell us his joys. This just really hit close to me. Until this trip and seeing America I have never really just let God talk to me, I have done all of the talking. I think through seeing everything it was God showing me his joys and being the un-natury that I am, would have never cared about a place like the Grand Canyon or Sedona Arizona, but God was opening my heart and showing me his joys.
Anyways, I hope tomorrow I write about the blog post I origionally meant to write about because it was really good.
In health news: I am down to 10 mg of prednisone after my 2nd bout of rejection. I don't have to go back to Tx until mid-July (the team knew I was going on vacations and was so nice to let me go-I love them). I am feeling ok. I am just so paranoid about rejecting again. What happens if I reject again. The good news is when I reject my heart does not usually have any damage-so could I just forever reject. I don't feel amazing when I am rejecting-but still am better than before transplant.
Also, for some reason my lower back is killing me! I took an Oxy today (which I usually take at night) and it made me sick! But for some reason ice cream settels my stomach-which I LOVE (but don't want to gain any weight :( ). The Dr. did all of these tests and all they found was that I had normal wear and tear and arthritis in my lower back, is it normal for a 22 year old to have arthritis? Becuase of this, I am so blessed to have a great sister and sester (Jackie and Jen) they do a lot for me. So far every night they have carried in all the stuff from the car for me becuase my back hurts. They are the best.