It’s not always easy!

These are some of my transplant buds-Evan, Venessa, Jonathan, and Me.
05/07/2011 It’s not always easy!
Update: 05/15/11 So this post is not the upbeat post that I usually write about and many people may not like it, so if you don’t like reading about that kind of stuff please just pass over this post. I was not even sure if I should post this because I am not trying to complain-so please do not take it that way, I am just trying to give insight into the life of someone with many awkward doctors appointments
On Saturday I was supposed to go on a big ride with Team in Training. I was really excited because Tuesday I had an amazing ride (like best time) and Saturdays ride was going to be on “home turf”. But I woke up and the accumulation of my medication side effects over a number of days were too much to handle and I just could not do the ride-then because I could not do the ride I was I was depressed/mad. This is the second ride in a row that I have missed as a direct cause of my transplant. It was just a lot to handle-for me at least. So back to my original post:
Since I became a transplant patient I feel like I have had to go through some things that have been pretty hard for me and I feel like each time I write it must be positive, but not all aspects of my “new life” have been positive. For example: during my surgery my sternum (the “breast bone” or the bone that connects the ribs) was cut-or I think it was really like skill sawed apart. They put it back together with little twist tie wires. I had an amazing, world class surgeon, so you would think that this would look beautiful, but honestly it looks like twist ties that goes around bread and they aren’t even. The reason I am even talking about this is that ever since surgery my sternum has been really uncomfortable, sometimes it feels like some of the little twist ties are poking out and kind of hurting me-they are in not means killing me, it is just annoying.
Before I had my transplant, I was very intelligent, but from the surgery (my brain got a little messed up with the heart lung machine) and my medications I am no as “on top of my game”. So I am being seen in the memory clinic/speech therapy. Here you go over everything that you are struggling with your memory and try to figure out ways that you will learn to compensate. To do this you have to tell the clinician everything you are having trouble with, for me this can be really embarrassing, it is telling someone you don’t really know things like forgetting to put on deodorant, or locking you key in the car all the time-or the worst for me was when she had me just write and then spell checked it. I did not have that many mistakes, but the ones I did have were basic, and made me feel really bad that my memory is where it is. It is hard to be so open with someone you barely know and I think I will have probably about 10, 1 hour sessions with.
So seasonally transplant patients go to “clinic”. Where before hand they get blood test, sometimes biopsies, maybe echoes, etc. and they get they results and go over EVERYTHING in clinic. Clinic is usually fun to go to because everyone is nice and it’s like “Cheers”- “Where Everybody Knows Your Name”. It’s fun to catch up with all the nurses and usually by the time you get there all the testing is over with! But then the Nurse Practitioner or Doctor comes in and starts asking you about EVERYTHING-and I mean EVERYTHING! Everything from what my bowel movements are like, to nausea, to depression. It is always so uncomfortable and I am always just waiting for the moment that the appointment finally ENDS! And it is a huge sigh of relief that I don’t have to reveal anything else about myself that I feel uncomfortable about, and because my mom and I get to go do something fun outside the hospital before we head home.
I am still getting used to the new “normal” of life: exhaustion, nausea, pain but there is no way I would exchange it for that old, damaged heart. This heart, Ruben’s Gift has been amazing and I have been able to do things I have never been able to do in my whole life, and before I received it I never imagined I would be able to do things I am doing now. Today I was able to climb the hills along California’s Highway 1-they are CRAZY!
And here is the Northern California TNT cycle team for spring 2011! They have been a blast!

PR SATURDAY!!!!!

04/05/2011
Last week some major milestones happened. On Saturday I biked 50 miles!!! Would have never thought I would be able to do that. I would have never thought that I would be healthy enough to bike that far and that hard, and unless Lance Armstrong is telling you he did it, biking 50 miles is pretty hard to do. The total miles for this week were over 120 miles!!!

Earlier this week I also had a MAJOR spill on my bike and I think I cracked the top layer of my sternum. They doctors are not sure what is going on with it and have done numerous tests, but the bottom is still held together, but there is definitely a hole in my sternum going the length.
I had my first 3 month follow up with the heart transplant clinic; this is the first time I have been able to stay away from them for more than a month! I have always felt sick in a month and felt that uh-oh feeling that I just needed a checkup, but this quarter I told myself there was no way I was going to go in with in the three months, and I made it! And I got a 23 (on a scoring range of 0-34, but anything under a 34 is good) on my Allomap, this is the lowest that I have ever gotten!
Natalie a lung transplant patient and transplant buddy passed away this Tuesday afternoon. She was 33 years old and was an amazing person. She graduated from college while undergoing chemo for non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, the effects of the treatment ultimately cost her, her lungs and then her life, but she always lived her life to the fullest and was such a sweet girl and was one of my first recipient friends I made at the donor network while we volunteering at many events.
Even since my many notes that I wrote to my donor family in December I have been meaning to write again and just get an update. When I came into the clinic my social worker gave me a note from my donor’s family! It had a picture of my donor, Ruben, his older daughter (who is 9 years old and the mother of his children) (he also has a 2 year old daughter) and another picture with his mother and his 2 brothers and 3 sisters. I also found out Ruben was 36 years old when he passed. It was somewhat hard to get the letter because without the letter I could always think of him as a single being (without a family, children, etc.) but now that I see that he a regular person and I could relate being a donor to someone I know, which is a great but scary gift. Rubens final resting place is in Colima, Mexico where his parents live. His sister (who was his next of kin) is still in Fresno, and she would like to meet with me but I am not sure about his daughters or other family members.

Exciting News

My friend Jonathan is getting his heart transplant tonight-Valentines day-how fitting! He was in the hospital over christmas on IV milrinone, but because he does not have an ICD he could not go home. Then he though he could stay off the milrinone for awhile, so he went home, but was a status 2, for about a month! He had to go back to the hospital last Friday to go back on the Milrinone. Then the gave him the IV pump like I had and a life vest (like I was going to get) and let him go home for 1 day for his younger brothers birthday. Jonathan is 17 years old and I meet him at my heart transplant support group when he was an inpatient and trying to entertain him on facebook on chat-I have not talked on that since highschool, he made me sign onto that lol!. Although we are a few year apart, we have a lot of sililarities! He is supposed to be in his senior year of high school, but is having to take the year off to get a heart transplant. Amazingly he is taking it in stride! I am having to do the same thing with college.
I have been talking with Jonathan and for so long about the transplant, I am so excited for him tonight and I can't sleep!-It's midnight! I am remembering what my transplant was like, how I was feeling, what the afternoon, evening, night went.

I feel like my blog is naked! I haven't taken any pictures in FOREVER and I have nothing to put on here!

So it has been 14 months since my heart transpant. I am now ready and able to start doing things that I was not able to do before my heart transplant. I have found that Leukemia/Lymphoma Society (LLS) can help me do this and allow me to give something back in return. In the last year I have been in and out of the hospital and have seen many different things. I had the unique and very difficult experience of going to the department where cancer patients were being given chemo. This experience has only added to the connection I feel to LLS. That is why I have joined Team in Training (the fundraising arm of LLS). They will prepare me to ride my bike for 100 miles around beautiful Lake Tahoe, in one day!
Since its inception the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society has raised over a billion dollars. This has made a huge difference in the survival rates of blood cancer patients. Not only does the money raised go towards research, but it also goes towards patient services. Because of the support that I received during my recovery, I have realized just how important this aspect is for patients with blood cancers.
The financial commitment that I have made is $3,500. Please visit my website, at: http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/ambbr11/aweese to donate directly to LLS via credit card and to get updates on my progress. Donations can be made by check to the Leukemia Society. And of course, your donation is tax deductible. If you would like to make a donation and are able, it would be greatly appreciated if it could be made by Monday, March 14, 2011.

02/09/2011 Not a ZERO-But Happy With What I have!

So, in January I went off Prednisone-for good-finally! A year late-but defiantly worth the wait! I thought I was rejection/having more problems with restriction in my heart like I had in December went I went off the Pred., so I had an "emergency" heart biopsy for the next morning, but it showed up with the same results I have when I take my small maintenance dose (5 mg) of Prednisone (I got a 1R/1R-so still rejection). This was finally the good news I have been waiting a year for. I was supposed to come off the Prednisone last January, but because of my rejections and inflammation issues I had to go on many tapering's of it. I don't have to go back to the transplant offices until March/April and I don't have to have another biopsy until November (or unless the Allomap gives faulty results-I am not a fan of Allomap-it is a relatively new test and is still working out its kinks and I never get good results. But, hopefully since I am off the prednisone I will start getting better Allomap results).
A few weeks after the biopsy I started feeling better-it takes awhile for me to feel better after getting tapered off the prednisone-it is pretty hard on your body. I started riding my bike more, and I signed up for Team in Training to ride 100 miles in June!-a century ride! I am getting to do something that I have always wanted to do and something that most people don't have time to do. I am loving cycling and exercising! I got into cycling because it was the only exercise that was not hurting my back (laying on my back for hours during and after surgery hurt my back), but I was finally able to get a shot in my spine and it HELPED! so, I am able to do more walking an do different excercising.
I am working in speech therapy on my memory and hopefully that will help me. I don't know about it so far, but the brain is elastic so I am trying to work it out more and hopefully it will come back soon. I am taking one class this semester just as practice for next semester at SMU.
It is getting exciting to a.) be getting healthier, and b.) getting used to everything and just get into my routine and c.) being able to move on with life! I am getting more used to everything transplant related (like meds causing me to be nauseous, the pain in my legs, my migraines, and my memory). I haven't updated this in so long because I have been so busy and I am filling up my days again!